GOLB vs Aku
GOLB vs Aku is 7494pinguisback20's second death battle. It pits GOLB from Adventure Time and Aku from Samurai Jack together. Description Chaos vs darkness. Both from Cartoon Network. Which will stand? Interlude (Cue Jim Johnston - Invader) Wiz : Demons, the image of pure evil. While some are known for their miniscule impact on innocents, others are known to be equivalent to, and possibly can be, the devil itself. Boomstick : And who would've thought that these two would come from Cartoon Network of all things, like GOLB, the embodiment of chaos! Wiz : And Aku, the master of darkness. Boomstick : He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick! Wiz : And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to figure out who would win a death battle. GOLB (Cue Island song) Wiz : The land of Ooo is usually an adorably peacefull island, home to many creatures and people of all shapes and sizes, like candy, slime, fire and ice. Boomstick ': Unfortunately, it can't exist without some pests, like the Ice King. But due to the show's lore, everything got darker from there!' Wiz : A being called The Lich crashed onto the Earth as a catalyst comet long ago when there were dinosaurs. After his reawakening, he began killing all existing life he came across. Luckily, Finn and Jake, the Earth's former last human and shapeshifting dog, are always there to save the day. Boomstick : A bulldog that can stretch into anything? Awww, I want a good boy like that! Wiz : However, The Lich was the last scholar to something far more sinister. Something hiding in the depths of the void. This being is known as GOLB. (Cue Time Adventure instrumental) Wiz : GOLB is stated as the embodiment of disharmony, coming from a dimension that is most likely the void itself. He once took Magic Man's wife, Margles, and prevented her from being wished back. He was one brought into Ooo's dimension when Betty, Maja and Magic Man, being dubbed as Normal Man at the time, summoned him down to Ooo to help Ice King revert back to Simon, although it was done so by alternate means. Boomstick : For a big tub of red dough with a slightly geometric head, he's got pretty insane powers for the 4 episodes he's been in! Wiz : In his origins, Puhoy, GOLB was waiting for Finn to arrive back to Ooo between said land and the pillow world. Not only was he capable of hopping dimensions, but he seemed to bring his void along as well. His ability to create portals only adds up to his omnipresent speed. This deity is also capable of warping reality to his will. He simply manipulated the weather into darkness just by his presence alone and brought Betty and Ice King, or Simon, back to their base forms after they were eaten by him. Boomstick : Say Wiz, what about that ghoulish breath he emits from his mouth? Wiz : Well, that would be his mutation breath. This stench of his is able to come in the form of hands and will turn any group of living things it touches into a gargantuan beast. These monsters are capable of fighting on their own and have unique quirks that make them stand out. For example, spitting an acidic substance to infect other beings to become monsters themselves or hostile birds that tear apart whoever they come in contact with. Boomstick : Man, Godzilla's gonna have another Final Wars scenario here, but I have a question... How does he use these transportation methods and supernatural powers if he's always just sitting there?!? Wiz : Well, not exactly. You see, while GOLB is almost always seen in a meditation position, he's not always static. On two occasions, he turned his head back twice towards Finn when he failed to devour him and towards the viewer when he was mentioned in Temple of Mars. Plus, if you look closely in Come Along With Me, he seems to shift positions. In most shots, he is seen with his hands on his feet. However, others have his legs criss-crossed. This means GOLB has the potential to move his own body whenever he wants to. Boomstick : So he's building up power to destroy all existence even when using it himself? Man, he's not gonna go down very easily! Wiz : Exactly. Infact, since GOLB is the embodiment of chaos, absolutely nothing seems to physically harm him, giving him immortality. In fact, he seems to have incredibly high intelligence and stamina judging by his status as a deity. Boomstick : Even Ice King's crown in it's base form couldn't wipe him off the face of the earth, and THAT crown was supposed to grant whoever wore it it's deepest wish! Wiz : His resistance to the crown's wish could possibly mean that he is immune to existence erasure and battlefield removal. Boomstick : Unfortunately, he does have his own set of weaknesses! Wiz : In fact, in order to counter GOLB's status as a diety of chaos, harmony through singing has to be performed to impair his monsters' activity. He can also me merged with another life form if someone is using wish magic as strong as he is. However, that has to be met under one condition : The wish can't involve him being erased from existence. Boomstick : However, he was able to counter his immobile body by having his monstrous minions fight by his side! These babies can not only withstand beatings to death, but can also regenerate from having even 90% of their body destroyed! Now those are some guard dogs that even Jake couldn't handle! Wiz : With all of these skills, GOLB is truly a malevolent force of outer-dimensional nature that you don't want to mess with. Ice King : "I dunno who that is!" GOLB : "Hhuuuurrrrrrrgh..." Aku (Cue Aku's presence theme)(0:00 - 0:41) Wiz : Long ago in a distant land... Boomstick : Wait, are you reciting the intro..? Wiz : Japan was living in peace and harmony, undisturbed by outside forces. Boomstick : Aw man, the intro would've been fine! Wiz : However, a huge, formless body of evil threatened the universe's existence until it was thwarted by three gods, Odin, Ra, and Vishnu. Boomstick : Odin? If he's Thor's father, does that mean Samurai Jack is a Marvel character? Wiz : No, Boomstick. However, a small fragment of the essence managed to escape from this mass and kill off the dinosaurs, crashing in what would become Japan in the future. This small piece developed over time to become a black lake and black, dead trees or spikes. Concerned, the emperor of Japan went to the lake to kill off this ancient evil using a buddhist spell. Boomstick : However, he accidentally screwed the spell up, because that lake soon gained sentience, becoming a massive tree-like totem pole of darkness. He then later gave himself the name we all know and love : Aku! (Cue Aku therapy) (0:00 - 2:10) Wiz : Aku is the master of masters and shogun of sorrow who unleashed an unspeakable evil upon his reawakening. However, a samurai with a divine sword stepped forth to oppose him. Before the final blow was struck, though, he tore open a portal in time and flung him into the future. The samurai, now named Jack, now seeks to undo the future that is Aku. Boomstick : Goddammit! You psyched me! Wiz : However, after 50 years of struggling to find a time portal back to the past, Jack found Ashi, one of Aku's seven daughters, which he didn't know about until her discovery. Since Ashi inherited some of Aku's powers, she was able to create a time portal back to the past, giving Jack the opportunity to kill off Aku once and for all. Boomstick : Alright, so to start off this guy's skills, Aku has the ability to shapeshift, making himself become whatever he wants to be, like a dragon, octopus, bird, gorilla, kraken, and even a freakin' woman! How did he sacrifice his masculinity to trick Jack like that?!? Wiz : Well, Aku has impressive intelligence, being able to manipulate entire races into doing his bidding and using disguises to trick Jack into getting what he needs to extinguish all hope in Japan, showing no remorse for his actions. Boomstick : Pretty dark for a giant black tree with such a goofy personality. Aku : "EXTRA THICK!" Boomstick : I knew that had to be said! Wiz : Getting back on topic, Aku is capable of pyrokenisis, being able to project fire from his hands, or from his mouth like breath. This fire is so intense that it is capable of burning through even metal. Aku is also capable of summoning minions of his own, from having beetledrones made for him to even having miniature clones of him created just by killing off a group of soldiers and replacing them in his image. Aku : "And insects get... SQUASHED! And... EXTERMINATEEEEED!!!" Boomstick : And what about how fast he is? This guy's capable of travelling through interstellar speeds! Man, he's got some mobility! Wiz : He has been known to travel as fast as the speed of light. In addition to this, Aku can teleport to whoever he has some business with. Boomstick : But that's not all. He's got friggin' laser beams on his eyes!!! Wiz : Not to mention that if he combines these beams with his pyrokenisis, he will be able to use electrical discharges, making blasts of electricity. Boomstick : And what about his immortality? Seriously, he can withstand a lot! ''' Wiz : Aku's immortality makes him immune to all physical harm, like arrows, laser beams, gunfire, and cannons. This also gives him the advantage to absorb the projectiles and fire them back, but tainted with his dark essence. However, he comes with a weakness : Jack's sword. A weapon blessed with pure goodness to defeat Aku. This only led to him being reborn under a solar eclipse eight years later, though. '''Boomstick : His constant usage of the word "fool", while being entertaining to some, can make him an arrogant ass! Man, he always seems to believe he's above all, does he? Wiz : However, in a way he isn't. In fact, he can even get sick like any mortal being. But that makes any fragment of his essence, like his saliva, highly infectious, causing any living being to be corrupted by his essence and made into a thrall in his image. Boomstick : So he can only possess people when he's sick? Well that's a big bummer! Wiz : Not exactly. While sickness causes any living organism to become a monster that looks like Aku himself, his essence was ingested by the mother of the seven daughters of Aku. And while he is able to create time portals, it seems like he can't travel through time himself. Boomstick : Speaking of time travel, Ashi's capability of making time portals like Aku gave Jack the opportunity to save the future, leading Aku to his downfall. He's weak to his own powers!!! Plus he's strategically an idiot! Does he really think using his own minions like robot bugs and mechs will get him anywhere at killing Jack? Wiz : While having several flaws, Aku is still a dark force to be reckoned with. Aku : "Once again, I am free to smite the world as I did in days long past." Intermission Wiz : Alright, the combatants are set, let's end this debate once and for all. Boomstick : IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLEEEEEEE!!! Prologue In the middle of future Japan, Aku was making a broadcast of the intro, telling his tale, and later on what seemed like his victory. After explaining Jack's motives after being brought to the future, he psyched his audience. Aku : "...NOOOOOT! Because... After all these years, I have captured SAMURAI JACK... AND HIS SWOOOOORD!!!" Jack is locked up on a wall to Aku's amusement in his tall, tree-like lair, made entirely up of flame-silhouetted stone walls in the interior. He was laughing at what seemed like his victory, much to everyone's dismay. It seemed as if there was nothing they could do to stop Aku. Aku : "TO ALL THOSE FOOLS WHO DARE OPPOSE ME : YOUR HERO IS DEAD, YOUR HOPE IS DEAD! I AM THE ONE TRUE MASTER! LET THIS BE A LESSON TO ALL! TIME TO DIE, SAMUR-" The broadcast was interuppted by static... Aku : "Huh?!? What happened... to the live broadcast?" The dark tree seemed confused. He wasn't sure how the broadcast stopped. While Aku was boggled with his mind, Jack looked at a corrupted Ashi, looking for a glimmer of hope in her. He wanted her to fight back, anything to break free from Aku's power. To get another opportunity to save the world. But what was soon to come was not divine intervention... A deep, stormy rumbling was heard from outside the lair, and the tall black mass noticed this. Could the public be doing this? Whatever it is, he was certain that he would destroy them. He drifted outside of his lair like a spirit, and saw the sky as a black-red storm. It seemed to be from the newcomer's manipulation of the weather and Aku's desolate, colorless environment combined into one. And then he saw it. This being didn't look like a hero at all. It descended from a portal with a red outline that seemed to head into a black void. This being was the deity of chaos, GOLB. Aku : "... And a foolish red, fat baby with whimsical yellow ornaments around his head steps forth to oppose me." GOLB : ''"Hhhhrrruuuuurrrrrrghhhh..."'' Jack overheard the breif communication from the two in the lair. Could it be help? Unbeknownst to him, though, it was a being weilding a much darker future. ''FIGHT! (Cue Aku's battle theme) Aku pointed forth at GOLB, sending various beetledrones towards him. However, GOLB countered this by breathing out green, haunting breath that wrapped around the drones and made them into something much bigger : A monster of disorderly proportions. '''Aku : "Eugh!"' Aku, slightly disgusted by the monster, spewed fire from his hands and mouth at the monster, giving it several injuries. The monster faught back at Aku, landing fierce blows using it's metallic legs to pierce his bark-y body. The evil mass yelped in slight pain, as he was able to regenerate his wounds from the pain with ease, getting back up to fight the monster, and soon GOLB himself. He turned into a kraken, and after withstanding several laser shots from it's eyes, he wrapped the beast around in his tentacles and bit down on it's metallic hide. He even whipped it several times to inflict fatal blows to the monster, breaking off major parts of it and dismantling it. He laughed as he turned towards GOLB. Aku : "FOOL! You think an abomination is enough to kill ME?!? Prepare to meet your DOOM!" He fired his own beams, absorbed from the wraith, back at GOLB, which seemed to explode on him, but did little to no effect. He even tried projecting some fire onto the deity, but it burned for a short time and incinerated absolutely nothing on it's body. Aku noticed this act of longevity and was annoyed that this being was just as invincible to physical harm as he was. Aku : "GrrrrraaaAAAAGH!!! I'LL FIND A WAY TO FIGHT BACK!" He sensed the beast that he fought before was starting to get back up, and turned around. He saw that this insectuous wraith was sending miniature spider-like mutant drones his way, possibly as an attempt to get rid of him. Aku : "BAAHHAHAHAHA! Oh you foolish insect..." The black mass merely squashed the spider drones, attempting to make tiny Akus for himself. However, he only saw squashed, organic and metallic corpses of the insects, as he was unable to make minions off of them. Out of disappointment, he shot the large drone with his eye beams, merely obliterating it in one shot. He then turned to GOLB in anger and determination to win the world so that he can keep conquering, not wanting to lose to a deity he deemed less in power compared to him, like Jack. Aku : "You seem impressive, red one... But this does not mean that I will be vanquished very easily... I've got creatures like yours too..." Aku looked to his left, thinking about something. Meanwhile in the lair, Jack felt merely hopeless and the corrupted Ashi inched towards him, about to kill him off so that he wouldn't be able to defeat her master. Suddenly, he heard his voice. Aku : "DAUGHTER!!! CEASE THIS WRETCHED CREATURE!!!" (Cue Showdown : Jack VS Aku) Ashi looked over her and drifted away from Jack, meaning to deal with him later. She was going to deal with a bigger threat this time. She rocketed towards GOLB intensely, highly determined to fight the demon, but inside her real self was trying to fight back the darkness, struggling to break free. However, GOLB spotted this with all of his four eyes, watching Ashi making her move. GOLB : ''"Rrrruuuuuuuueeeeegghhhhh..."'' GOLB stood still as Ashi rammed into the side of his head dealing a heavy blow to his left. However, this didn't seem to affect GOLB very much, as he didn't even so much as flinch from the attack. He just watched as he was hit. Ashi then tried the powerful blow several times all over the deity's body using her fists, shapeshifting weaponry and brute force of her shadowy blob form, but to no avail. The red meditative behemoth then turned his head and opened his mouth, catching Ashi using just his tongue, ''allowing him to roll her up and swallow her in. Aku watched in shock. Ashi wasn't supposed to be taken down easily by beings as strong as Jack. However, this red deity seemed to be on a whole other level. Meanwhile inside GOLB's cube-like insides, Ashi tried to break herself free from the beast's insides, but before she could land a certain blow, she glitched and was reverted... back to her original self?!? She looked at her hands as she was reverted back to her human form, dressed in plant clothes. However, she glitched once again, and she was back to the way she looked before she was even redeemed. The insides started to close in on itself, proceeding to crush her inside. Ashi : "No... This can't be happening! SAMURAI JACK, COME QUICK!!! SAMURAI!!!" Meanwhile in the outside, Aku's face went from pure shock and disbelief to pure anger and hatred. Not only was his opponent seemingly just as immortal as he was, but he took ''one of his seven daughters. ''Now he was going to make sure he won't get away with it. '''Aku : ''"EEENOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUGGHH!!! I WILL END THIS STRUGGLE... ONCE AND FOR AAAAAAAALLLLL!!!"' The black tree warped up into the sky, becoming a massive portal of darkness. It started to rain black spikes down on the environment, destroying anything it fell on and at least damaging it into further bleakness. GOLB seemed to stand still while this dark storm was taking place, still not flinching or moving, but he let the spikes attempt to impale him. He was then clouded in dust from the destruction all the spikes were doing. (Music stops) The black mass warped down onto the ground, looking at how much territory he covered with his spiky storm. He laughed in his own pride, thinking he had won. '''Aku : ''"HHHHAAAAAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAHAHAHA!!!"' He was unaware what was in the wrecked dust that he caused with his attack, but his arrogance and initial viewing of the destruction he caused made him think that he had won and that the world is now his for the taking yet again. ''... But the dust clouds cleared. The black tree of darkness stopped laughing and looked with utter surprise as it was revealed that GOLB, the deity of chaos, came out without a scratch from the storm of spikes. He was staring out into space, seemingly unaware of the destruction around him. Aku, absolutely tired of the red monster's powers, inched towards him as he began to speak. Aku : "Hmmmmmmm... You know, red fool, you are unlike any reckless creature I've ever come across. I can't land a single hit to harm you and your stolen minion got a gooooood piece of me back there." He pointed to the corrupted beetledrone in the background. It seemed to be fully regenerated, but it went on to bring havoc in a nearby village Aku : "But opposing my law of evil and devouring ''ONE OF MY DAUGHTERS... ''is unacceptable. Your foolishness doesn't surprise me! Your abominations are not composed of divine righteousness, the very essence the samurai's sword is tainted with. That is why you can't save the world of me... AKUUUUUU!!!" He raised up his hands in a gesture to symbolise his omnimalevolence. He just thought GOLB was here to "save" the world from his law and bring peace, despite his ugliness. Aku : "You will be able to rid this world of my reign, but time will be out of your hands." The black bark then made a weird screech as he made white, pulsing hoops from his mouth. They all floated over GOLB as he levitated in place, while he also seemed to notice them from above. He sat there as he was engulfed in their light, and thus was seemingly forced downward in the beam, perhaps being warped to the future. Aku : "Do not worry, creature. You will see me again... But next time, you will not be so- Huh?!?" (Cue Blood starved beast) Everything seemed to shake, as if a big earthquake hit where Aku was standing. Then a crack glowing with a bright light appeared infront of Aku, seemingly in the middle of reality. Aku : "Now what is happening? I demand an answer..." Aku sneered at this crack in reality as it began to spread horizontally. He just thought someone else was coming from another world, ready to aid him. Then Aku knew true fear. Aku : "WHAT THE-?!?" ''' The crack broke infront of him, revealling that in the midst of the black-and-white time vortex he summoned, GOLB was making a shreik-y roar, not only escaping the portal to the future, but breaking it in the middle of the way. With all of his eyes fixated on the black tree, he was about to snap at him. '''Aku : "NO... THIS CAN'T BE..!" GOLB : ''"HhuuurrrrRRRRRRGHHH!!!"'' GOLB, after escaping the broken time portal, lashed his arms out foward and grabbed Aku's shoulders, the latter hollering in pain as the red deity gripped him with unexpected force. In fact, how was he capable of harming him if he wasn't divine like Jack's sword?!? Aku : "STOP!!! I BEG OF YOU!!!" GOLB : ''"RRUUUUUUUUAAAGHHHHH..."'' The red meditative being not only intensified his grip, but started to pull him apart. This being of darkness, as far as the red being was concerned, was a big fool ''to call him one. He knew better than to screw around with the destroyer of worlds. Aku, with his syes glowing and his mouth fuming with fire, decided to break himself free from GOLB's grip by letting out an electrical discharge... ''but it was no use. He didn't flinch whatsoever. Aku : "... Oh no..." After the tree let out his comical last words of utter helplessness, the red monster tore him in half, ''only for the mass to drift downward to the ground. The black mass then took the form of a tiny frog, as the mass he once had needed some time to regenerate. '''Aku : "AAAAUUUUUEEAAAAAAGH-"' After letting out a weird noise of bumbling loss, GOLB then slammed his fist on the frog, making sure that Aku was obliterated into nothing but dust. After slamming his red fist down, the monster put his hand back on his lap, meditating and concentrating on his power again, his yellow blocks orbiting his head once more, and his monsters causing not darkness and tyranny', but chaos. ''The way he intended it to be. Samurai Jack, somehow being freed by an offscreen escape, walked outside the lair to see not the future civilization saving him and allowing him to save the world from Aku's reign, but the chaos and destruction that this new demon, GOLB, was about to bring. As the samurai gave put a look of pure shock, the monster eyed him closely into his soul, knowing that he might not be able to save the world from him, even with his sword. ''This being would bring the Earth down to it's last atom. KO! GOLB had his back turned against the screen, watching the chaos spread all over the planet with his monsters, ravaging cities and bringing them to flames and rubble while Jack helplessly slashed him with his sword, standing on his body. Meanwhile, Aku was nothing but black dust on the spot he was crushed on. Results (Cue Time Adventure instrumental) Boomstick : Yaaaay, the world is save from Akuuu! Except... it isn't. In fact, it's gonna be obliterated! Wiz : While Aku had his own advantage of being immune to physical harm and regenerating from major pain, his immortality had a fatal flaw : he couldn't be harmed by just goodness. In fact, he is vulnerable to gods like Odin, vishnu and Ra, the three gods who fought him while he was a black formless mass. GOLB, on the other hand, is a reality-warping god of chaos. Boomstick : Speaking of which, he was able to outsmart Aku in every way possible not by just his powers, but his superior intelligence! While Aku sent over his beetledrones, allowing him to mutate them into a big-ass insect, Aku sent over one of his daughters and GOLB merely ate her up, stripping her down, not in that way, into her base form! Sad thing she suffered a fate worse than fading away. Wiz : It should also be noted that GOLB and his powers are immune to not only Battlefield removal and existence erasure, but is also reality warping itself, meaning he is invulnerable to, or at least can come back from, time manipulation. When GOLB took Margles, not even Prismo, one of the strongest wishmasters in the Ooo universe, could bring her back. While Aku was cunning, fierce and had a lot of tricks up his sleeve, GOLB outclassed him with his intellect, reality manipulation and just overall causing chaos just by being present. Boomstick : Seems like Aku made a fool of himself for messing with chaos! Wiz : The winner is GOLB. Next time Boomstick : Next tiiiiime on Death Battle..! (Cue Jurassic Park theme) (1:17) It was daytime in a lush jungle. The camera slowly moved across a path that seemed to be heading to somewhere. The sounds of a moving jeep followed along as well. It seemed to be heading towards the big entrance of a park. But not just any park... (cue 1:34) The camera panned up. The park's name was revealed to be... Jurassic Park. The entrance majestically and slowly opened up it's doors to it's visitors with a welcoming sight of dinosaurs behind it. However, the camera panned out and the scene turned out to be a movie in a theater. But something was wrong with the audience... "YAA-YAA YAAAH, YAAH YAAH, YAA-YAA YAAAH, YAAH YAAH, YAA-YAA YAAAAAH, YAAH-YAAH, YAAAAAAA... YAAAAAAA... YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! HYEHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH, AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!" Then, a small, reptilian head peeked out from below the screen, and looked at the audience, as if it was breaking the fourth wall. '''''GREMLINS VS VELOCIRAPTORS Category:What-If? 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